Doing Business

From:
Sent: Friday, April 27, 2007 9:33 AM
To:
Subject: How is this for a business

Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive

Father "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son "I will choose my own bride!"
Father "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive

BORN BEFORE 1986?

From:

Sent:

Subject: Fwd: I liked this...hope u do too!

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured Lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans. When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and riding in the passenger seat was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this. We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded. We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chatrooms.We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt! We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits. We played knock-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friends' homes. We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...they actually sided with the law. This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them.Congratulations!Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for 'our own good'.For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us. This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face:The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986....
The Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel.

They have never heard of Fred Astaire, The Osmonds, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle .
For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam .

AIDS has existed since they were born. CD's have existed since they were born.

Michael Jackson has always been white.To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from last year. They can never imagine life before computers. They'll never have pretended to be the A-Team, the Dukes of Hazard or the Famous Five. They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.Now let's check if we're getting old...

1. You understand what was written above and you smile.

2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.

3. Your friends are getting married/already married

4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.

5. When you see children with mobile phones, you shake your head6. Having read this, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because you think they will like it too...Yes, you're Getting old!!

Attitude

From:
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 12:28 PM
To:
Subject:
RE: Its all about your attitude....A nice tale with a difference

Failure is not when your Girl Friend leave you, Its only when you don't try for her sister - Swamy Unknownanada

Kids think quick

From:
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2007 9:45 AM
To:
Subject: Kids think quick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Attitude

From:
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 12:08 PM
To:
Subject: Its all about your attitude....A nice tale with a difference

Hi
Its all about your attitude....A nice tale with a difference

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and asks him for a Phone Call.
Shop-owner replied Sweety this is no a STD, but you can do one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.

The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida."

Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

Your ALTITUDE is decided by your ATTITUDE...

Sewing Machine

From:
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 11:48 AM
To:
Subject: chk this out........

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...

MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."

WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.

THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!

Best FWD ever

From: DevS
Sent: Monday, April 16, 2007 4:02 PM
Subject: Best FWD ever...

Hi,

Do you want to 'see' the 'world' after death?

If Yes,

DONATE YOUR ‘EYES’!!

THE MAGICAL TAP

From: Kumsha
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:49 AM
To:
Subject: THE MAGICAL TAP

The magic tap appears to float in the sky with an endless supply of water. In actuality, there is a pipe hidden in the stream of water. I don't know anything else about the picture, but the construction is fascinating and is easy to make, if the pipe is made of transparent Perspex than you would never see it inside the water stream.

Need to smile

From: Parthibs
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 9:42 AM
Subject: *~* Thought of the Day *~*

Beautiful pictures are developed by negatives in a dark room. So if u see darkness in your life assume that God is making a beautiful picture for you. Happiness always looks small when you hold it in your hands. But when you learn to share it. You will realize how big and precious it is…!!

And for that you need to smile

A Dog Story

From:
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2007 11:01 AM
To:
Subject: FW: A Dog Story...

A Dog Story…….Our Story…..A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waitsPatiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. Then the dog shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the Guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."*Moral of the story: You may continue to exceed onlooker's expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations. It's dog's life after all

Gulf .....A short description.....

From:
Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2007 8:01 PM
To:
Subject: Gulf .....A short description.....

This is GULF

* Local calls are free
* Petrol is cheaper than water, Payment for drainage too
* Any building construction finishes in 3 months
* Unqualified get more salary than Qualified
* Show-off matters more than real quality & performance
* Labourers are paid less than what they can earn back in their own country
* Companies can kick out their employees without any reason
* Wastas (recommendation) are more powerful than money
* Cleaners have more Wasta than officers
* Watchman has more Rights than the Building Owner
* Office boy & Drivers have more influence on Boss than Manager
* Gulf climate changes so fast, in one hour u can see raining, dust storm, hot / humid / chilling weather
* Gulf is located in desert, still u find greenery everywhere
* If u can't earn money in the Gulf, u can't earn anywhere in the world * In Gulf, time goes very fast, Friday to Friday comes u never know, its sooo fast
* Every bachelor has a dream of getting married and buying a house in India
* U love your parents, friends, relatives 100 times more than when you were together
* Being at home is more painful than being at work
* Indians appear/pretend to be more religious/God fearing than they really are
* Theatres are full of Arab nationals whenever there is a movie of Salman / Sharukh
* Gulf girls sing Hindi songs but don't understand anything
* Prostitutes available, but cheaper than beggars
* Dance Bars and Pubs more than that in B'lore
* A ladies hair saloon every 5 meters
* Food/Grocery delivery to the car
* A Starbucks every 10 meters
* Hard Rock Cafe with no alcohol

* In one single flate sharing with 5 families
* A Shopping Mall located every 2 km
* Highway lanes differentiated for slow & fast drivers
* Getting a license is more difficult than buying a car
* Smashed cars are more than bugs
* Parking charge: 2 Dirham for 1 hour - 5 Dirham for 2 hours & so on
* No Queues for women

TRAFFIC SIGNAL IN GULF:
* GREEN : Signal to go for Indians
* YELLOW : Signal to go for Egyptians and Pakistanis, Americans, Europeans
* RED : Signal to go for Kuwaitis, Saudis , Palestinians & Lebanese

IF YOU'RE SAYING 'NO' THEN YOU ARE HIDING THE TRUTH....... ......... .

Unity in diversity for Indians

From:

Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2007 9:23 AM
To:
Subject: Unity in diversity...Only for Indians

The best Photograph for life time especially for Indians

Girls after an accident..

From:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 2:50 PM

Subject: Girls

What do Girls do after a Bad Car Accident ???????

Turn off the ignition?

NO

Get away from the car in case it explodes?

NO

Call 911 on her cell phone?

NO

Can you imagine her 1st action...... ......... ......... ......... .........

The Manager

From:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 2:51 PM

Subject: engineers

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet. The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess. An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.

After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs.

"Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length".

Moral: No matter how good engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in you.

Flash News

From:
Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 3:03 PM
Subject: Flash News - INDIA vs Cherupushpam L.P School - Update

>>>>>FLASH NEWS>>>>> INDIA vs Cherupushpam L.P School Cherupushpam LPS won the toss and chose to field. INDIA - BATTING Virender Sehwag c Unnikkutan b Tintumon 0 (1) Saurav Ganguly b Unnikkuttan 28 (152) Robin Uthappa c Tintumon b Thakkudu 7 (15) Sachin Tendulkar Lbw b Tintumon 1 (12) Rahul Dravid © retd hurt 18 (61) Yuvraj Singh run out 0 (0) Mahendra Singh Dhoni st Kannan b Unnikkuttan 0 (1) Ajit Agarkar c Unnittuttan b Lullumon 5 (20) Harbhajan Singh b Unnikkuttan 8 (6) Munaf Patel* b Tintumon 10 (19) Zaheer Khan Not out 9 (16) Extras Lb-3 3 Total all out in 50.0 overs for 82 O M R W Unnikkuttan 10 6 10 3 Tintumon* 10 8 3 3 Pintumon 10 3 21 0 Lullumon 10 4 10 1 Thakkudu 4 0 18 1 Boban 6 2 12 0 CHERUPUSHPAM - BATTING Unnikkuttan* not out 52 (20) Kuttan not out 30 (18) Extras 6 Total in 6.2 overs 88/0 O M R W Munaf Patel 3 0 41 0 Zaheer Khan 3 0 35 0 Ajit Agarkar* 0.2 0 12 0 MAN OF THE MATCH – UNNIKKUTTAN STD II B NB : Dravid has got an injury on his forehead for a pace delivery from speedster Unnikkuttan..

Aaahhh...

From:

Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 10:05 AM
To:
Subject: FW: Good Morning! :)

Life is not a rehearsal
Each new day is a new show
No repeats, no rewinds
So, give your best shot in all your worthy acts!!!

Ideal 'ORKUT' profile of a SE

From:
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2007 6:02 PM
To:
Subject: FW: This one's really goooood, friends :-)

About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")

Relationship status : what?

Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111
1111
111

Here for: web browsing in company hours.

Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101

Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly.

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.

Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.

Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. :-)

Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!

Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: http://naukri.com <http://naukri.com/ > , http://jobsahead.com < http://jobsahead.com/ > - Isn't it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.

Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.

Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

Tv shows : can't afford one.

Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle....

Beauty of a Woman

From:
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 7:43 PM
To:
Subject: FW: Beauty of a Woman

Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman
Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman
Must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman
Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman
Is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows,
The beauty of a woman
With passing years-only grows.
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman,
but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man

Strength of a man

From:
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 7:43 PM
To:
Subject: FW: Strength of a Man

Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.
The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home.
The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It is in how tender he touches.
The strength of a man isn't how many women he's Loved by.
It is in can he be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome.

Which is better ??

From:
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2007 12:00 PM
Subject: which was better,the former or the latter????

WHICH IS BETTER.....FORMER OR LATTER?

Dad used to give us a measly Rs. 20/- per month,

in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill,

but we were able to save too!!!

Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea

where it goes, let alone saving it!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers!

One project since we joined

and just one manager!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We used to make notes;

we used to study for ranks!!

Now we scan thru our mails;

we struggle for our ratings!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We have still not forgotten the people

in the next section!!!

Now we don't even know who sits

in the next cubicle!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

After getting back from a tiring play,

we used to do our home work!!

Now who knows/cares about home;

all we do is just work!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
We knew our history and economics!!

Now let alone reading books,

we don't even catch up with the daily news!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We had an aim in life;

behind our backs we had our teachers!!

Now we have no idea about the

future nor do we find any

one who would tell us anything!!!

Now just ask yourself,

Which was better?

the former or the latter????