Whatta Reply

From:
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2007 10:12 AM
Subject: FW: Whatta Reply....

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.

To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"

A Dog Story

From:
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2007 11:01 AM
To:
Subject: FW: A Dog Story...

A Dog Story…….Our Story…..A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waitsPatiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. Then the dog shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the Guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."*Moral of the story: You may continue to exceed onlooker's expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations. It's dog's life after all

The Manager

From:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 2:51 PM

Subject: engineers

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet. The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess. An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.

After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs.

"Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length".

Moral: No matter how good engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in you.

Ideal 'ORKUT' profile of a SE

From:
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2007 6:02 PM
To:
Subject: FW: This one's really goooood, friends :-)

About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")

Relationship status : what?

Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111
1111
111

Here for: web browsing in company hours.

Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101

Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly.

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.

Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.

Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. :-)

Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!

Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: http://naukri.com <http://naukri.com/ > , http://jobsahead.com < http://jobsahead.com/ > - Isn't it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.

Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.

Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

Tv shows : can't afford one.

Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle....

Which is better ??

From:
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2007 12:00 PM
Subject: which was better,the former or the latter????

WHICH IS BETTER.....FORMER OR LATTER?

Dad used to give us a measly Rs. 20/- per month,

in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill,

but we were able to save too!!!

Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea

where it goes, let alone saving it!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers!

One project since we joined

and just one manager!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We used to make notes;

we used to study for ranks!!

Now we scan thru our mails;

we struggle for our ratings!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We have still not forgotten the people

in the next section!!!

Now we don't even know who sits

in the next cubicle!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

After getting back from a tiring play,

we used to do our home work!!

Now who knows/cares about home;

all we do is just work!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
We knew our history and economics!!

Now let alone reading books,

we don't even catch up with the daily news!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We had an aim in life;

behind our backs we had our teachers!!

Now we have no idea about the

future nor do we find any

one who would tell us anything!!!

Now just ask yourself,

Which was better?

the former or the latter????

Tech joke, mouse jammed

From:
Sent: Monday, March 27, 2007 9:07 AM
Subject: Techie Joke

Technical Support Needed


Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service : What is wrong with it?
Caller : Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service : Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller : Mmmm... Wait, I will send a picture.

Definitions of designations

From:
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 10:29 AM
To:
Subject: FW: Definitions....u must understand the concept

New definition of designations at office

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Project Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

5) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll just produce a child with zero resources.

6) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

7) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby

8) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered or not, they'll just document 9 months

9) Customer Service Manager - the one holding baby without contibuting to the delivery or related

and finally........

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10) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.